I have had this plan. For four years, I have had "the plan" of how things would go after classes were done, and student teaching was the only remaining part of my education left. Starting about...14 months ago or so, I became completely terrified of "the plan". Do I want this still? Do I like this? Am I too burnt out? My experience with the SoM was interesting, and not as fulfilling as it should have been. And it has created a ton of doubt within me, if you could tell from just about every blog post I have, and that has bread insecurity. Today has been a good day, for no particuar reason, and I'm beginning to feel myself becoming more positive. I think a lot of it has to do with CAMPPPPP COMING UPPPPP!
Every summer I have worked at this camp here at JMU for kids from elementary to high school, focusing on choral music, some dance, and DHALL 3 TIMES A DAY. It has been the bigest refresher for me. And I forget about it as the year goes on, until it comes time to be with my kids again. It's always the same kids, and they are wonderful, wonderful people. I need it. And now, more than ever, I'm realizing that THIS has actually been the closest to student teaching that I have gotten in my 4 years. Even during practicum, even while teaching women's chorus for 2 semesters. The relationships are what will make this worth it to me. Today, I am remembering that a lot more than I was yesterday, a week ago, 14 months ago.
It's a good, good day.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Time is of the Essence...
So I've pretty much abandoned this blog. Sorry about it. It's been quite a summer so far. Lots and learning and growing, and a pretty useful time of transition into "real life".
I've learned that there are actually people who think more than I do, and it made me see the other side of things. What my overthinking can do to others. Of what I've done in the past, and how it can affect those around me. And how the combination of more than one thinking head can be...not so good. I guess we need to fall victim to our own pitfalls to really learn how to grow out of them.
I'm not one for horoscopes, but mine today said something about taking our own share of blame for things that go wrong in our lives. Horoscopes are generally bogus, but sometimes they have little hidden life lessons. I've been doing that a lot, looking for my "part" in things that go wrong, even in everyday life. Little things, but it all matters. It is so easy to blame everyone else, the other person, whatever, but I am not perfect. I contribute, good and bad.
I've learned that people are good. And that God is so good. And He brings the right people into our lives at the perfect time. He has never failed me on that, even in some of the worst moments, and I have never been so appreciative as I have lately. I think these are actually things I learn over and over again, and I think now I'm actually taking it seriously. I'm not a kid anymore, I'm not a teenager, I'm not even I college kid anymore. I'm a grown-up (sort of...). I'm embracing responsibility in every way that I should.
I've learned that I THRIVE on change. When something causes a sudden change, I have to change right along with it. Almost to a fault. Whether its avoiding the cause of change, a television channel, who I spend my time with, my attachment to certain places. Like my house, for example. My roomies (who I love and miss, so much) are gone. I am no longer attached to this house. I'm packing up gradually on my days off, and it feels awesome. The room is practically done, downstairs pretty much done, etc. It's not the same place to me anymore, so I change. I anticipate the next step. It's something I never really noticed until recently. But I also think my coping strategies have changed, to cope more healthfully. But reading what I just wrote, I wonder if it's actually healthier? Haha...and then I think.
I've learned that I LOVE some of the people I work with. They are so different from what I have been around in the 4 years I have been here, and they are wonderful. Dan and I were talking about it, and it is such a breath of fresh air. And they are making my summer. It has been so fun so far! It almost feels like I'm living in a different place, which coincides with the aforementioned thriving on change, hahaha...
That's all I've got.
I've learned that there are actually people who think more than I do, and it made me see the other side of things. What my overthinking can do to others. Of what I've done in the past, and how it can affect those around me. And how the combination of more than one thinking head can be...not so good. I guess we need to fall victim to our own pitfalls to really learn how to grow out of them.
I'm not one for horoscopes, but mine today said something about taking our own share of blame for things that go wrong in our lives. Horoscopes are generally bogus, but sometimes they have little hidden life lessons. I've been doing that a lot, looking for my "part" in things that go wrong, even in everyday life. Little things, but it all matters. It is so easy to blame everyone else, the other person, whatever, but I am not perfect. I contribute, good and bad.
I've learned that people are good. And that God is so good. And He brings the right people into our lives at the perfect time. He has never failed me on that, even in some of the worst moments, and I have never been so appreciative as I have lately. I think these are actually things I learn over and over again, and I think now I'm actually taking it seriously. I'm not a kid anymore, I'm not a teenager, I'm not even I college kid anymore. I'm a grown-up (sort of...). I'm embracing responsibility in every way that I should.
I've learned that I THRIVE on change. When something causes a sudden change, I have to change right along with it. Almost to a fault. Whether its avoiding the cause of change, a television channel, who I spend my time with, my attachment to certain places. Like my house, for example. My roomies (who I love and miss, so much) are gone. I am no longer attached to this house. I'm packing up gradually on my days off, and it feels awesome. The room is practically done, downstairs pretty much done, etc. It's not the same place to me anymore, so I change. I anticipate the next step. It's something I never really noticed until recently. But I also think my coping strategies have changed, to cope more healthfully. But reading what I just wrote, I wonder if it's actually healthier? Haha...and then I think.
I've learned that I LOVE some of the people I work with. They are so different from what I have been around in the 4 years I have been here, and they are wonderful. Dan and I were talking about it, and it is such a breath of fresh air. And they are making my summer. It has been so fun so far! It almost feels like I'm living in a different place, which coincides with the aforementioned thriving on change, hahaha...
That's all I've got.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)