Naps.

So.

I've begun some pre-student teaching activities at a high school in Alexandria, and so far, it's been great. I'm getting very, very excited. But that's not the point of this post. I'll write one gushing about my love for teaching later. Because it's gunna happen. Sorry not sorry.

Anyway. I have made plans to meet up with my roommate from all 4 years of college for dinner in old town Alexandria tomorrow, since we both work in the area. And since I have no idea when I'll be done tomorrow, the first 2 thoughts that popped into my head, should I finish up earlier than expected, were 1.) No big deal, I'll just go home and come back, and 2.) No big deal, I'll just find a couch somewhere and nap.

Welp, my friends. This was my first rude awakening to the real world. That bubble we all live in for 4 years during college...well that bubble just got about 50 times bigger.

These two options were always the way to go back at JMU. My house was 5 minutes away, and a person sleeping on the grass of the quad, or a couch in some random building...not so strange. This might not be as well received in the metropolis of Northern Virginia, unless of course I were actually in the city and passed out on one of the great lawns. But even then they'd probably assume I was drunk and/or homeless.

So what will I do? No idea. But I guess I'm about to discover what everyone else in the big bubble does when they have time to kill. I'll get back to you.

A new lease on life...for today anyway...

I have had this plan. For four years, I have had "the plan" of how things would go after classes were done, and student teaching was the only remaining part of my education left. Starting about...14 months ago or so, I became completely terrified of "the plan". Do I want this still? Do I like this? Am I too burnt out? My experience with the SoM was interesting, and not as fulfilling as it should have been. And it has created a ton of doubt within me, if you could tell from just about every blog post I have, and that has bread insecurity. Today has been a good day, for no particuar reason, and I'm beginning to feel myself becoming more positive. I think a lot of it has to do with CAMPPPPP COMING UPPPPP!

Every summer I have worked at this camp here at JMU for kids from elementary to high school, focusing on choral music, some dance, and DHALL 3 TIMES A DAY. It has been the bigest refresher for me. And I forget about it as the year goes on, until it comes time to be with my kids again. It's always the same kids, and they are wonderful, wonderful people. I need it. And now, more than ever, I'm realizing that THIS has actually been the closest to student teaching that I have gotten in my 4 years. Even during practicum, even while teaching women's chorus for 2 semesters. The relationships are what will make this worth it to me. Today, I am remembering that a lot more than I was yesterday, a week ago, 14 months ago.

It's a good, good day.

Time is of the Essence...

So I've pretty much abandoned this blog. Sorry about it. It's been quite a summer so far. Lots and learning and growing, and a pretty useful time of transition into "real life".

I've learned that there are actually people who think more than I do, and it made me see the other side of things. What my overthinking can do to others. Of what I've done in the past, and how it can affect those around me. And how the combination of more than one thinking head can be...not so good. I guess we need to fall victim to our own pitfalls to really learn how to grow out of them.

I'm not one for horoscopes, but mine today said something about taking our own share of blame for things that go wrong in our lives. Horoscopes are generally bogus, but sometimes they have little hidden life lessons. I've been doing that a lot, looking for my "part" in things that go wrong, even in everyday life. Little things, but it all matters. It is so easy to blame everyone else, the other person, whatever, but I am not perfect. I contribute, good and bad.

I've learned that people are good. And that God is so good. And He brings the right people into our lives at the perfect time. He has never failed me on that, even in some of the worst moments, and I have never been so appreciative as I have lately. I think these are actually things I learn over and over again, and I think now I'm actually taking it seriously. I'm not a kid anymore, I'm not a teenager, I'm not even I college kid anymore. I'm a grown-up (sort of...). I'm embracing responsibility in every way that I should.

I've learned that I THRIVE on change. When something causes a sudden change, I have to change right along with it. Almost to a fault. Whether its avoiding the cause of change, a television channel, who I spend my time with, my attachment to certain places. Like my house, for example. My roomies (who I love and miss, so much) are gone. I am no longer attached to this house. I'm packing up gradually on my days off, and it feels awesome. The room is practically done, downstairs pretty much done, etc. It's not the same place to me anymore, so I change. I anticipate the next step. It's something I never really noticed until recently. But I also think my coping strategies have changed, to cope more healthfully. But reading what I just wrote, I wonder if it's actually healthier? Haha...and then I think.

I've learned that I LOVE some of the people I work with. They are so different from what I have been around in the 4 years I have been here, and they are wonderful. Dan and I were talking about it, and it is such a breath of fresh air. And they are making my summer. It has been so fun so far! It almost feels like I'm living in a different place, which coincides with the aforementioned thriving on change, hahaha...

That's all I've got.

Silence is Golden

I've been driving with the windows down, and music off a lot lately. I feel like I constantly have things to think about. The uncertainty of the future, because lets be real, it's pretty friggin' up in the air, makes me think about everything little thing in my life, analyzing solid things, and worrying that they are not. Like, oh I don't know...my major. Yikes.

It's my M.O...worrying. I do it enough for pretty much every person around me. Like that darn hampster wheel on the Duke Lawn. Mark my words, someone will die on that thing. It is the human hampster wheel of DOOM.

I'm working on it...the worrying, that is.

When I'm thinking, I like silence. It helps me process my thoughts, or calms me or something. When I'm stressed and go on my little night time drives, I like it silent. I drive out way passed Harrisonburg, into Dayton-ish area. There are no lights, just hills and cows.

All this culmination stuff makes me so stressed. Mostly because I feel like we have all been so busy, we haven't been able to process and enjoy it. Oh my gosh...typing this makes me stressed. My roommates' slowly emptying rooms puts a pit in my stomach. Emily's dad picked up the island from the kitchen over the weekend, and that one thing being gone makes me so sad. I'm sooo delaying emptying anything from my room. I'm going to do that progressively over the summer. It's been such a good year in this house, so being without them this summer, and forever, will be hard and something to get used to.

Time for work. I love JMU and my roomies and my friends and my family.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BIG SISTER, CHRISTINE ANN MORRISON COFFEY!

College, Week #...last.

So here I am. Last week of real college. It feels good. It feels weird. I am refusing to let it feel sad. I am sooo in denial about it being the "end". I have been disconnecting for this entire semester. Keeping myself surrounded by a small, close knit group of people. Avoiding the huge, "i-don't-know-half-these-people" party scene. I think it properly prepared me for this week.

The saddest time thus far was the Overtones final concert. They were my people this year. When the big kids I love the most left, they know who they are, college felt a lot younger. Overtones came in at the perfect time, and were so amazing to me. During stressful rehearsals, snapping at each other, singing in the dark, jumping, warm-ups, recording sessions, Overtones thanksgiving, everything, it was the small family I needed this year. I am so grateful to this amazing group of people, and I am so thankful for the permanent family that I am a part of.

Buy our new CD. It's legit.

Life news: Ordered a BlackBerry online today. Kind of terrified of it. I have always been a regular phone girl. Getting my emails to my phone makes me excited though.

But now, I finish this week, get my Senior Recital over with (Ugh), become addicted to the CrackBerry, work at the restaurant (which is proving to be wonderful and profitable), and enjoy the summer! Lots of exercise, tanning, and working. Sounds good.

SpringFest/Blockparty Dramz...

Every class I had today, professors felt the need to talk about what happened at Blockparty this past weekend. It was really awesome to have them scold us and tell us that our actions embarrassed them.

I personally did not attend. I was at home with Kyle and my family for my mom's birthday. After hearing what friends and professors had to say, I watched some of the videos on You Tube, these are a few things I have to say:

1. Police were amping this up before it even happened. With borderline threatening emails and written letters to residents. You think that WON'T encourage underage drinkers, who live to push the boundaries?
2. JMU has a population of 18,000 students. Of 8000 people there, no way were they all JMU.
3. Did anyone else notice the REDICULOUS mass exodus from campus ALL day Sunday? It was impossible to move anywhere because OTHER school populations were in attendance.
4. JMU ALSO failed to recognize that they planned Choices for the Friday of that weekend, and the following Monday. I wonder how many of the people throwing bottles were high school Choices visitors crashing with some friends for a "wild college weekend".
5. Have you watched some of these videos? I watched people standing around get pummeled to the ground and maced in the eyes. The cops were out for blood.

Ok...I FULLY accept that 8,000 people is absolutely too much, and I agree that some sort of dispersion was necessary. I wonder if it had to get as crazy as it did, but it did. With 8,000 drunk people, it might have even been inevitable. And I also see why JMU students are getting the blame. It is a JMU (student) hosted event. I just wish that all factors could be taken into consideration. I am disappointed that it turned into the event it did, and I am sad that JMU's reputation as a party school is only going to get worse. I know people who even go to Blockparty and DON'T drink...but it doesn't really matter I suppose.

I just don't want my degree to be a mockery.

JOB.

I got a job. WABAM.

Serenity

It is amazing how many times this semester I have been able to come home, early in the day, and lay in my bed, just because. I have spent the last 3.5 years being busy, and now, I'm just tying up loose ends.

I would love to fill this downtime with a job though...but that is another frustrating post...

But it has led to my aforementioned addiction to the Discovery Health channel. Which I must be thankful for.

Anyway, I am really trying to appreciate this downtime before the craziness of student teaching begins. As much as I am ready to be finished, I know in about 6 months I'll be wishing to have this semester back. But I also know I'll be happier than I have been doing music in the last 2 years. I don't like that music here at JMU doesn't excite me anymore, and I know where to place blame, but I really believe that student teaching is going to rejuvenate me and my appreciation for music.

There is a lot of paperwork that goes into student teaching apparently. This semester has made me a lot better with paperwork. A blessing, considering I'm about to be a teacher.

Also, weather-Gods, I'm going to consider the last 2 days a blip. I'm sure tomorrow will be 72 degrees and sunny again. Mhm.

Quad Quad Quad Quad Quaaaaad

The best part about JMU is without a doubt, Springtime on the Quad. Every year, we suffer through Winter, slipping on ice, shielding our faces from the piercing wind, tears streaming down our faces (yes, it gets that bad), and bundled up in our most un-cute outfits. The snow days are appreciated, yes, but the cold, glooomy weather puts you in a bad, unmotivated mood.

However, with suffering comes reward, in the form of sunshine, dresses, biddies, frisbees, and football, all taking place on the gorgeous JMU Quad.

Thank the Lord for Spring. I'm in a much better mood now.

Makes Me Think

So there is this website called "makesmethink.com". I picked up on it from a friend, and have come to love it. It's similar to those "f my life" and "my life is average" sites, where people post an anecdote that begins with "Today, I..." but it is not superficial, distgusting, boring or unfortunate. They are just simple, happy, sad anecdotes based on moments that "make you think". Check it out, they are wonderful.

Lock Your Car Doors, Friends.

So I have never locked Big Bertha's doors. Ever. I've had her for 5 or 6 years now, and she's a cutie, but honestly, no one would steal that hunk o' junk. She has manual windows, locks, the works. So I'm lazy and just...don't lock the doors. It's easier.

Well last night, I learned a valuable lesson on why NOT to do that anymore. And this is how...

I took my baby sister out to dinner at Outback. We had a nice meal then wondered to the other side of the shopping center, and I treated Kelly to a little eyebrow waxing. No big deal.

So we mozy on back my car...there it is! We're chatting, etc...then we open the doors, and sit in our respective seats.

Why does my car wreak of cigarettes?

Why are there tissues everywhere?

Why is the bedding in the back seat?

This is not my car.

Gross.

I sat in someone else's car, without their knowing. And it was dirty. And it felt so wrong.

Then I kept thinking...who has accidently sat in my unlocked car? How many times has that happened to poor Big Bertha? How many times has she been violated in such a way?

With that, I made a vow to always lock my car.

Except in my driveway. Because I came home and nay locked my doors.

Forever 21, You Overwhelming Beast...

Another busy Spring Break day. Went to Ihop with Mom at 7 am (I am a good daughter, and their pancakes are to die for), bought a new car battery, got my TB test shot, given to me by a cute Asian lady who said, "there will be hurt," but what she doesn't know is I'm a champ. Then I went and installed the aforementioned car battery in to Big Bertha. Poor baby....she's chugging along. I'm paraying she lasts until I can afford a newer one.

Because let's face it...Ma and Pop and pretty much over supported my pa-tooty. As am I.

Then I went to Forever 21 to exchange a top I bought yesterday that didn't fit right.

Now I have to ask...WHY do you need such a big Forever? Maybe I'm not girly enough, but sometimes I walk out of there feeling so drained...physically...emotionally...spiritually...and on some occasions, financially. I loved this shirt when I bought it yesterday. Then I tried on the new size, and hated it. THEN I spent the next hour wanderng around, trying on different shirts, dresses, skirts...nothing.

Then finally, I found these simple solid colored tank tops for 4.50. HELLO Fabulous Finds. I purchased for, and owed the store 21 cents. Sorry, but that is legit. Give back 1 shirt, get back 4? Yes please.

But alas, as frustrated as I get with the enormous, monsterous beast that is the Forever 21 at Fair Oaks Mall, I continue to return every time I go to the mall, which is rare. Why? Beacause it is drt cheap, the Fabulous Finds are often amazing, and if you look and gig hard and long enough, you will find something. Or 4 for the price of 1. And lastly, because I am a woman. And shopping is in our DNA, and cannot be avoided.

And then I blog about it and feel very shallow at the end. Oh well.

Wake Me Up, Carpet Cleaner.

Woke up around 9 am this morning. Haven't slept in this break. I don't really like sleeping in much anymore. This is likely because the weather is beginning to turn toward Spring, and I feel happier in the Spring. I've been missing some Vitamin D in my life. Totally changes my mood.

Anyway, I am currently on my living room couch, typing a blogpost because...well Senor 1 and Senor 2, who are probably the nicest people I have ever met, are cleaning the carpet. I'm pretty sure they're trying to jip me by charging $5 extra than what we were quoted, but what the hell? It's BEAUTIFUL out, and I do not care. Vitamin D, baby.

And they're cleaning. And I love cleaning. I think we are subconciously bonding over that.

Cleaning is my favorite thing to do. And I will scrub from top to bottom. I am sure I'm neurotic, and I am certainly OCD, have been my whole life, but nothing makes me more ready to do whatever I need to do in a day like cleaning my house before. Before I leave for every break, I always dust, vacuum, organize, and mop my entire townhouse. This is because I love coming home to a clean house. If I have homework to do, I won't do it until everything around me is spotless and just so. Everything has a place, and is typically in height order.

Yesterday was a very productive day for me. And instead of waking up and doing homework, I had to clean my parents entire house before I could start any homework. I think I use it as a boost to get things done, because cleaning, I love, homework, not so much. But if I preceed the homework with cleaning, I get on a roll and don't want to stop. Smart subconcious.

And right now, all I can think about is how clean the carpets are going to look. I'm so excited.

Can't wait to run outside again today! It was so beautiful yesterday.

Task for today is my Vocal Pedagogy paper outline. Yesterday I completely finished my Student Teaching Portfolio, minus recommendations, which took roughly 6 hours, and then decided to do my Program Notes for my recital...which is not until May 1st. But they're done! So all I need to worry about is memorizing my repertoire, which seems to be going smoothly. The outline shouldn't take terribly long, assuming I can access JMU networks from here. This is a boring paragraph.

I need a recital dress.
And Spring dresses. Because the time is coming.

SPRING!!!!!

It is SO gorgeous out. Doing lots of work then getting my butt outside for a run to take advantage of this. SO beautiful!

Enjoy the day everyone!

Sprang Breakz

Well, considering my semester is devoid of any overwhelming amounts of responsibility, I wasn't in "desperate need" of this break, but I am happy to be home. I just spent a nice, busy day with my family, taking Colleen back to CNU, and then ordering pizza, watching reruns of Saturday Night Live, a family tradition, and now the Oscars. 2 dogs sleeping around me. A nice break from college-ness.

AND BEAUTIFUL WEATHER TODAY! Very refreshing, and I cannot wait to get back to JMU to let Spring take over, and bring that amazing ambiance that only Spring can bring. The student body seems to quadruple almost. I'm positive that will put me in a pretty amazing mood. It has the last 3 years. The bushes in our front yard have been dead for too long. It's time to see some color here. The valley is such a beautiful place, especially in the late Spring.

And, Monique just won Best Supporting Actress and I'm all about it.

We had lunch with my Aunt and Grammy while in Newport News today. Everyone needs a woman like my Grammy in their life. She is a Saint. Perfection, for sure. I couldn't even begin to describe her, so I won't. But she's amazing.

Not much else to say. Definitely going to be busy this week. Memorizing music for my recital, Student teaching portfolio, program notes, etc...more work than I've done all semester. It's fine.

The Four Year Itch

So maybe my blog is becoming a little depressing, but I am really starting to itch to get out of here. It is breaking my heart a lot, how ready I am. But at the same time, I'm ready because I am sooooo happy and soooooo excited to start this next chapter in my life.

I'm sitting at my computer, looking at beautiful high resolution pictures on one of my favorite websites, interfacelift.com. It's full of beautiful pictures of nature in its most beautiful forms from all over the world, and I'm thinking, college is holding me back. College is holding me back. Just like home and high school were holding me back 4 years ago.

This is a natural process, and I think I'm on the right track.

But college is keeping me in one place, and I am itching to move. Methophorically and literally. I've found something special, something that gives me a million other things to look forward to, and where I am now is kind of a dead end. I've gotten what I came here for, not without disappointment. (Sorry about it, JMU School of Music, but you actually blow). And I'm ready to take those skills and roll.

I feel like every post might always relate to my next part of life. It's fine.

Today...

I am so happy.

The Countdown.

Today, for the first time in about a year and a half....I was excited about Student Teaching. I guess as a Music Education, I should have spent the last 4 years consistantly happy and excited about those particular 4 months, but I really lost the love for a while. And in some ways, I don't think I've gotten it back completely, but parts of me are feeling it again.

Going into Junior year, I was still excited about where my major was taking me. I was so involved. I was doing well. I was recognized. Chorale President since I was a sophomore. Section Leader. Member of the top 2 ensembles. ACDA. Beginning to teach on campus. It went on and on...I was "perfect". I've struggled with that word for a long time.

Then bad things happen, and your view of everything else changes completely. When life slaps you in the face, and I mean bitch slaps you in the face, with loss of monumental portions, significant for you, and even more significant and life changing for those around you, other things fall by the wayside. It becomes far more important to take care of each other then to learn your music.

I do not believe this changed how I felt about music. I think I felt the way I feel now for a while, but it was repressed. But these life events change you, and make you grow up. And think looong and hard about where your life is going.

Senior year. I'm moderately checked out. Bare minimum. Not loving any musical moment in particular the way I used to. Hope I like this degree.

So I have decided. Practicums need to last sophomore through senior year. I have finally figured out what is missing: kids.

I went to the Turner Ashby High School musical last weekend. I hated the show (it was Les Miserables...students were awesome, show, not so much), but a part of me felt so rejuvinated to be around students. Just their presence helped me. I didn't teach, I didn't work with them, I didn't even know any of them. But it reminded me of where I'll be in September, and I am so excited again. It feels amazing. And I wish I could be in a classroom everyday. Soon enough.

Also...I'm grumpy because it's cold. I need Spring.

Discovery Health Channel

I have a new obsession with Discovery Health Channel. I watch it all day, everyday. In the hours I am home anyway. My personal favorites: Dr. G Medical Examiner and Trauma: Life in the E.R.

My biggest qualm with Dr. G: those silly "dramatizations". I want to see the reeeeeal thiiiiiiing. Call me sick. But if it weren't music, it would have been medicine. I love this stuff. If I absolutely hate teaching, I'm going to Nursing School.

So I'm definitely looking forward to Spring Break. I'm looking forward to being at home with my family and dogs. However, if there were ever a Spring Break to take my friends home to Florida, it would be this year. All of this snow is unbearable, and the past 2 Spring Breaks have been amazing. Full of beach time, friends, a little Disney, Doug's AMAZING Margaritas, and getting tan. Well. The Army struck again and moved my family from beautiful sunny Tampa, Florida, to Fairfax, VA. With every other JMU student. Oh well. Can't say 2 free trips to Florida for Spring Break isn't awesome.