The Countdown.

Today, for the first time in about a year and a half....I was excited about Student Teaching. I guess as a Music Education, I should have spent the last 4 years consistantly happy and excited about those particular 4 months, but I really lost the love for a while. And in some ways, I don't think I've gotten it back completely, but parts of me are feeling it again.

Going into Junior year, I was still excited about where my major was taking me. I was so involved. I was doing well. I was recognized. Chorale President since I was a sophomore. Section Leader. Member of the top 2 ensembles. ACDA. Beginning to teach on campus. It went on and on...I was "perfect". I've struggled with that word for a long time.

Then bad things happen, and your view of everything else changes completely. When life slaps you in the face, and I mean bitch slaps you in the face, with loss of monumental portions, significant for you, and even more significant and life changing for those around you, other things fall by the wayside. It becomes far more important to take care of each other then to learn your music.

I do not believe this changed how I felt about music. I think I felt the way I feel now for a while, but it was repressed. But these life events change you, and make you grow up. And think looong and hard about where your life is going.

Senior year. I'm moderately checked out. Bare minimum. Not loving any musical moment in particular the way I used to. Hope I like this degree.

So I have decided. Practicums need to last sophomore through senior year. I have finally figured out what is missing: kids.

I went to the Turner Ashby High School musical last weekend. I hated the show (it was Les Miserables...students were awesome, show, not so much), but a part of me felt so rejuvinated to be around students. Just their presence helped me. I didn't teach, I didn't work with them, I didn't even know any of them. But it reminded me of where I'll be in September, and I am so excited again. It feels amazing. And I wish I could be in a classroom everyday. Soon enough.

Also...I'm grumpy because it's cold. I need Spring.